looking for newness in the middle of the old

Epiphany

A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization

Is it possible to have a half-way epiphany? I ask because I feel like I’m half-way to a new comprehension, that is truthfully an old perception of reality. If I had to compare my current relationship with Jesus to an item in a grocery store, I’d have to say lately it’s been like a package of hotdog buns with a hole in the bag that somehow got left on the rack a few weeks too long which would explain its current stale and moldy state.

I think that I’m halfway to an epiphany because, while this realization may have been both sudden and intuitive my comprehension of this all is sketchy. It’s more like the feeling where you’ve forgotten someone’s name, but it’s right on the tip of your tongue…then gone. Then for a split second you know that you know the name, but not quite well enough to actually remember it for a fill in the blank exam. But you’d nail it on a multiple choice test. Are you with me?

What I am realizing is that I’ve been focusing on externalities of following Jesus, and maybe I’ve been doing some of the things that a Jesus follower would do. There’s a world of difference, however, between acting like a Jesus follower and actually following Jesus. Somehow my faith has gotten old lately– not old like a fine wine– but like a forgotten package of buns.

There are many reasons I can think of that help to explain how I’ve gotten here, but the half-epiphany is the half understanding of how I get unstale, and find newness in the middle of the old.

Well, that brings me to part of my motivation for this site. Some of my motivation is admittedly self-serving: I hope that in this new medium of musing and reflecting on God’s activity to place myself in a position of expectation that God will act. The second part of my motivation is that God can be made much of and seen as one who never quits working on, with, and through his children.

I think of the story in the Old Testament where Elijah puts everything on the line and God proves that He is truly God (1 Kings 16:18-39). One way or another, I expect God to get glory somehow.

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